November 6, 2007

  • Meatballs!

    Tonight, I winged dinner.  Sort of.  You see, ground lamb was on sale at the grocery store.  I was checking it out, and another customer asked if I'd ever cooked with it before.  I said no, but I'd eaten plenty of lamb.  She said "I'm from Africa, and we eat a lot of lamb.  If I had my way, I'd buy all of it!"  She then proceeded to give me instructions on how to cook it.  So here's what I did:

    • 2 1/2 pounds ground lamb
    • 3 jalapeno peppers
    • Fresh cilantro
    • Chopped garlic (I just used what I had in a jar in the fridge - two large spoons full)
    • Chinese 5 spice
    • Sea salt to taste

    Mix all the above ingredients; shape into meatballs (or triangles or hats or whatever you'd like.)  I then chopped 3 medium tomatoes and added approximately 1 medium thinly sliced onion into a sauce pan with the meatballs, and cooked on medium.  (I also added a few more shakes of 5 spice a few times.)  I cooked 2 cups of jasmine rice, and, when the meatballs and sauce were done, served over the rice.  It was DELICIOUS.  Hell, I'd marry me after eating that.  I wish I had that woman's phone number to call her and thank her.  It was almost the easiest damned meal I've made in forever!  And it was with an ingredient I've never used! 

    God, I'm hungry again.

  • Things, and things.

    I forget where I left off.

    Our 6th wedding anniversary was on the 3rd.  We did NOTHING.  Well, we took the kids to an indoor outlet mall, and got a few more items of warm clothing for both of them.  We also had to deal with a son who was getting mildly ill because of a flu shot the following day. 

    But, can you believe - 6 YEARS?  Want to know something even scarier?  11 1/2 years we've been bitching at each other!  I am not kidding!

    There's drama on the horizon involving my sister-in-law and brother.  I'm not even going into it, because I'm just not.  Maybe later.  It's a drain.

    I'm having panic attacks a lot.  I've always had them, just not to this extent.  They're getting worser and worser! 

    Also, anyone have any good ideas for a suitable turkey substitute?  Thanksgiving is going to be odd this year, I need ideas. 

    And.  I made a nice dinner last night, it makes me hungry thinking about it.  Black Angus sirloin, Yukon Gold mashed taters with butter and cream, sauteed onions and green onions for said taters, a salad...and for dessert, a blueberry/cherry/chocolate chip pie.  I used a store bought crust, because my pie crust is awful.  But that pie?  Holy shit.  HO.  LY.  SHEEEEEEEEEEEEEEET.

    Maybe a protected entry later.  OH!

    My mom is keeping BOTH CHITLINS this weekend for a sleepover so Craig and I can have a night out with much drinking and sexytimes. 

    Watch.  We'll both fall asleep.  It's our second kidless attempt (and our first kidless overnight!) and we'll fall asleep like old farts do.  At 5 PM. 

    Who wants to bet on this one?

November 1, 2007

  • Oops, I LOLd my pants!

    Jesus Harold Christ, this article almost made me soil my shorts.  And I'm not even WEARING shorts!

    Note:  the linked site may or may not be work-safe.  I'm supposed to be "doing work" while the family is out of the house for a few hours.  I can't help it, I need some funny.  And this site makes good on the funny.

    EDIT:  Forgot to mention that I'm pretty sure my dad had at least one of these books around the house when I was little.  You know, those would make awesome posters, if you were into that kind of thing.

    I'm not.

  • OMFG

    I am beyond perpetual irritation.

    We refinanced our house at the end of September, and the payoff check was sent via FedEx to the old mortgage holder, with it being signed for on October first.

    SOMEONE FUCKING LOST THE CHECK.

    I'm not kidding.

    So, we've been working with the title company and trying to work with the old mortgage holder to get the situation resolved.  As of last week, the old mortgage holder *would not* sign the form that would allow the title company to cut a new check; oh no.  The form stated that they, the former mortgage holder, would not try to deposit the old check should it ever surface.  Of course they don't want to sign it!  They want double their money!

    So, every morning between 8 and 8:30 am, some offshore asshats call ME asking to pay our mortgage with the old mortgage holder.  Nevermind the fact that all call records state that they've told us NUMEROUS times they'd take us off the "harass the deadbeats" call list.  And nevermind the fact that our mortgage has been held by another company for over a month.

    The past two days, I've led the phone calls with a stream of tirades that would make an old salty sailor (or maybe a cowboy) blush.  Don't worry, the children were both asleep (or at preschool) in both cases.  Today, I'm just peeved...make that UTTERLY AND COMPLETELY PISSED OFF because the dumb fucker hung up on me before I got a chance to hang up on him.  And the conversation started out so luverly!

    Me:  Do you know what time it is?
    Offshore dude: Excuse me?
    Me:  Do you know what time it is?
    OD: Umm, what time is it?
    Me:  It's 8:45 AM.  You're not supposed to be calling me that early in the state of Missouri, you know. 
    OD:  {Stammer stammer stutter in a foreign accent}
    Me:  Let me guess, you're trying to get some money from me, aren't you?
    OD:  Well, yes...
    Me: -Insert Five Minute Tirade Here-
    OD:  Silence ... Silence ... dial tone

    I called the corporate office.  Since they're in California, they're two hours behind.  HOW DARE THEM!?!!?!?!?!111111  And there's not even voicemail!  But Wait!  Craig happened to have a name and direct extension for someone he's been working with...who never returns our calls, and SHE HAS VOICEMAIL!!!!!!!!!!!!!  And you'd be proud, the only time I used "Fuck Up" or "Asshat" was in reference to the fuckups and asshats that insist on calling me each and every day. 

    Oooh, it gets better.  Craig called a customer service line, got a direct number to *someone* (don't know who), and he called back while Craig was taking a conference call and I was upstairs with the baby.  Craig said "Can you give me a second, I'm on a call on my other phone..."  beep beep beep beep.  Dial tone.  Either that dude hung up on him, or....he has crappy mobile coverage and it dropped?  I dunno. 

    BTW, I will gladly give the name of the old mortgage holder:  Option One, a...(drumroll please!) WHOLLY-OWNED SUBSIDIARY OF H&R BLOCK!

    The only reason we went with them was because of company discounts, when Craig was still an employee.  Just another reason for me to avoid doing business with HRB and their subsidiaries:  their business practices are TEH SHIZNIT, and I don't really mean that in a good way.

October 30, 2007

  • Am I really doing the best for my son?

    As some of you know, my son's birthday is right on the cusp of kindergarten entrance dates.  Because of his current evaluations, my husband and I have opted to try to get him into Kindergarten a year early, provided he meets the requirements.  (And at this point, he currently meets the requirements, at 4 years of age.)

    I don't want to come off sounding like that one mom...you know the one:  "My son is so smart and so good and he can do this and that and he's been doing it since he was 4..."

    My son *is* smart.  He's been evaluated frequently, just so I know how to best work with him and prepare him for school.  These aren't tests I've found online, in a magazine, or in some book.  He has been taken to our school district and evaluated by real, live, professional teachers.  (See?  I feel like I'm justifying my choice!)  I am not a teacher, by any means.  I was attempting to get a teaching degree while in college, but, as luck would have it, I failed college all together.  However, everything I'd done in my life prior to becoming such a massive failure was in preparations for being a teacher, preferably elementary or special education.  So I've been around my fair share of children. 

    We've been having a problem with his new preschool.  As I mentioned before, his birthdate is right on the cusp - meaning that he is only two weeks younger, more or less, than the youngest child in his current class, because we've managed to get him put ahead a year.

    After he'd been in the class for FOUR days, they gave us a laundry list of things he couldn't do - he couldn't write, he wasn't socializing, he couldn't follow their directions...never once did they have anything positive to say.

    I have been trying to work with him for two years on his writing.  It has been an uphill battle, to say the least, and one I haven't really stuck to.  He's stubborn, I'm stubborn, and it just wasn't worth all the fights.  When he was ready, we would go for it.  Maybe I didn't try hard enough?  I don't know.  But here we are, he's been at the school now for almost two months, and the teachers are now telling us that he's *ahead* of most the other students intellectually.  The oldest children are 5, but there are other 4 year olds.  And he's on par with or ahead of them, educationally.  His writing has tremendously improved, and he practices writing all day long without even being asked. 

    There is, however, an issue with keeping his attention in class, and keeping him from being disruptive.  He also still hasn't made many friends, and when the other kids run off to play, he apparently turns into a spaz and starts running around, flailing about.  The teachers keep saying "That's normal for a 4 year old, but he's not ready for Kindergarten!"

    So here's my problem - he's not like that with us, unless he's just VERY tired or VERY hungry.  When we go somewhere to play with other kids, he plays nicely and normally; no running off like the Tasmanian devil.  I don't have a huge problem keeping his attention (unless the television's on, but that's to be expected!) and usually he's a good listener.  It's heartbreaking, because they're not seeing the son I know, and I have no idea why he's like that, except that maybe he really doesn't like it there, and acting like a crazed maniac is his way of showing it?

    He has been coming home telling us the "projects" at his big school are too hard for him, but when we remind him that he does all of his projects very well, he says "I know, but they're just hard!".  He used to say his teachers were mean to him; now he says the kids are mean to him, but he won't elaborate. 

    We are all still devastated that his "little school closed forever" - but I don't know what to do now.  I don't think leaving him where he is happens to be the best solution, but I don't know where else to take him.  This place is convenient for my parents to get him, it's convenient for Craig to drop him off some days on the way in to work, and it seemed initially like a great place for him.

    I think part of the problem is that all the other kids have known each other for all their lives, and have been going to school together since day one.  The teachers don't like the fact that I've put him up, even though he's doing well academically.  He has had a hard time bonding with the teachers, and with the students; he is a very affectionate and caring little guy, and he loves to talk.  He can't find anyone who will talk to him, so he acts like a maniac.

    I won't talk with the teachers myself anymore since the last time, as they blindsided me with all these negatives about my son and not one single nice thing about him, not even "he's got a great smile" or "he's sure a great eater!"  Craig is officially in charge of that, because I have situational Tourette's syndrome, which is usually frowned upon in a school situation, especially when that school is in the confines of a Catholic church.

    I just keep feeling like it's all my fault because I don't dote on him enough (time has to be split with him and the baby!) and that maybe I'm not working with him enough, or encouraging him enough, or...just not doing something enough.  Talking with my husband is no help at all, because he tells me things like "well, we need to sit down and talk with him...." which usually translates to "Hey, Shelly, you need to handle this because I'm clueless!".  I can't talk to my parents about it, as it makes me feel even worse, because apparently I'm not doing something right.

    My son told me the other day "When I win the lottery, I'm going to quit school".  He used to love going to school, now he wants to quit!?  And I don't know how to fix it!?  I don't know what to do, I cry every time I think about it, and every time I see his sad little face.  I chose this school, and apparently, I had no idea what I was doing.  I feel like I can't do anything right by my family, mostly because FOR CRYING OUT LOUD SOMEONE SEND ME TO HAWAII! 

    I really need to re-read my manual.

October 28, 2007

  • Funny photos I promised DAYS ago

    For those of you who can view the protected entries, I might note that the baby is giving the finger, which is why the photo is captioned the way it is.  Note the look in her eyes accompanying that finger.

    That said, here are a few images I've found online, with one I took myself.  I'll caption my photo for your viewing pleasure!

    We were driving along happily, headed to our favorite Indian restaurant for their lunch buffet (mmmmmmm, Chicken Tikka!)  I saw this van driving, and just could not believe my eyes.  I asked Craig what he thought, and he agreed that yes, that rust-bucket had a window unit coming out of the rear window.  The engineering was AMAZING.  Pure Hillbilly.  We got as close as we could and I snapped a camera phone shot.  Enjoy!

    Yo.

     

    ?????!?!?!?!!1111


    The Burger King guy frightens me anyhow.

    Seriously, this is teh awesum!1111111111

    Bet you didn't know that!

    FTW!

    And he likes sandwiches.  And cake.

    Did you notice?

    I honestly lol'd. 

    Just like my kids!

     

    No explanation needed.

    I should buy these as Christmas gifts.

    Ha!

    Yes we are, especially after phoning in this entry.


October 26, 2007

  • Shopping with the baby

    We went to the grocery store last night, and had to buy diapers and baby food.  The baby had been well-fed, and had been a happy little thing throughout the whole store.

    But we apparently cannot take her into the baby food aisle.

    She started screaming and crying, and it took me a while before I realized that she was seeing all the food jars and it made her hungry.  It was actually funny once we figured it out. 

    So now, we have to go into the baby aisle without her. 

    EDIT: moar funny pics later.

October 23, 2007

  • Why is it?

    Not FIVE SECONDS after I give that precious, delicate little flower of a baby of mine a bath to make her sweetly-scented, she spits up half the contents of her belly?  She's getting a bath to get rid of that "slightly digested mama-milk/formula/and baby food" smell, but nearly immediately after bathing, it's back?!  I don't remember it being such an uphill battle with Bran.  At least, she's mostly sweet-smelling, unless you happen to sniff that one patch under her neck where the peach/cereal/formula dribbled out. 

  • I can has a script?

    Holy crap.

    The past few months have seen me downloading and fiddling around with various PHP scripts for my various websites.  Installing a PHP script is fairly simple and straightforward, provided the script-writer also knows how to write clear, concise instructions.  Often, even with a lack of those, I can figure everything out, but when I can't, I call in The Big Guy (duh, Craig!) and he gets the job done. 

    So, while reading any one of the 300+ Yahoo groups I belong to (I'm not kidding, folks!) I've been finding many users on the work-at-home mom lists that have needed script installed / configured / evaluated. 

    And not only can I help them out, but I'm good at it, insanely enough.  At least, good in my own twisted world.

    And the most disgusting part?  I enjoy fiddling around with the scripts.  I enjoy creating the databases.  I love fiddling around in the config files.  Hell, I just like to download scripts, install them, and see what kind of havoc I can wreak.

    I am a fucking nerd.  Ha!

    By the way, have I ever told you HOW MUCH I LOVE creating spreadsheets!?!  I created a spreadsheet that tracked AND CHARTED my pregnancy weight gain (er, loss.)  I create lists for my inventory, have it calculate total retail cost, my cost, and find a happy medium for UR SALE PRIZE.  I'm even venturing into Access databases to collate data for me. 

    I'm a statistics nut, apparently.  Good lord, I'm a freak.

    No wonder people won't sit next to me.

October 22, 2007

  • My Wedding Anniversary

    is coming up in a few weeks.  I'm seriously considering leaving EVERYONE at home and going on a date.  I even know who I'm going to ask - alas, my intended is woefully far away from me.  It shall never be. 

    Because right now it looks like it will have to be a family day, and I don't really want a family day.  What I actually want is to be whisked away to Paris (Rome, Dublin, Ibiza, Some podunk town in Kentucky) and not deal with any stress.  The only ONLY way that will happen is if I go it alone. 

    Can you believe it's been 6 years of wedded *cough* bliss?!  And did you know it's been 11 1/2 years total?  Fuck. 

    No congratulations, please.  Just send more beer.  Tequila will work almost as well, but I must warn you I have expensive tastes.