Because of some sales levels I hit with Avon, I have two free magazine subscriptions - one to "Allure" and one to "Glamour".  Actually, I have two each, but I may be getting both for myself.  Not that I like them, but sometimes, I run out of stuff to read in PC Gamer or Blender whilst pooping, and have been known to read shampoo ingredients JUST BECAUSE.

If you'd like one of the subscriptions, let me know why.  I thought about sending them to an Avon customer, and still might, if none of you amuse me enough.  Just so you know.

Craig and I are in a coffee shop, killing time while we wait to go eat lunch with Bran at his preschool.  There are about a dozen "business people" in here as well, conducting business.  Apparently, they represent a payroll / credit card processing company, and we're listening to them make cold calls trying to get people interested in their services.

HOLY SHIT they're bad salespeople.  They're making me want to hang up on them, and they haven't even called me!  JEEZUS HAROLD CHRIST. 

And the baby started whimpering.  One kept shooting "that look" over the booth at us, but then got up and moved to the other side of the coffee shop.  Hey, doodz, when I sat down, there was NOBODY IN MY CORNER.  It's not my fault you picked us to sit by.  I don't even THINK you want to tangle with a mama who doesn't get out enough AND who has loaded mammaries and knows how to use them.

Come get it, bitches.

Hey, this is my first liveblog.  Craig says "you're blogging about this, aren't you?".  I just looked blankly at him.  Why would I miss this opportunity?@!?!?

moar funny pictures

Beaujolais day!  We opened our first bottle of George De Boeuf 2007 Beaujolais this evening; let me just say that it' wonderful with dark chocolate covered plums.  Yum.  It's also the 25th US anniversary of Beaujolais.  I can see that we'll be getting another bottle of this later in the week.

And for those of you who enjoy red wine, I urge you to go buy a bottle.  I'd go into great detail about it, but mama has had 1/2 the bottle already, and can't see right.

Oh yeah.  That's cos I don't have my glasses on.  DUH.

Anyway, for around $10 a bottle, you really can't go wrong.  Just try it. 

Apparently, some of my readers DID NOT KNOW THIS:

I SELL ADULT NOVELTIES.

Yes, folks, sex toys.  I have been doing this now for almost 3 years.  I go into peoples' homes, show my wares, play some games, educate the guests, and sell some toys.

Srsly.  I love it, but I've taken a few months off; baby and all.  Visit www.kcpassion.com and see what I'm talking about. 

Now you can't complain that you didn't know

EDIT:  By the way, thanks for the "feel betters".  I feel a little better, but tired.  But not tired enough to put my PIECE OF CRAP FALLING APART LAPTOP away.

I have duct-tape keeping the screen from flopping all crazy-like, for fuck's sake!

The news in brief today:  I'm getting a sinus infection or something terrible.  Craig is at work, Bran has been dropped off at my parents' house, where he is probably digging in the dirt for worms, and baby is here with me, rolling in a poopy diaper.  Yes, I'm getting to it, but she's happy right now, and I'm trying to combat a dizzy spell.  Since this is all I've got, here's the daily lolcat. 

Some of you may have seen my recent pulse entry "Nothing's better than 2 sisters fighting than 2 sisters fighting in Jell-O".  Let me explain.

While Craig and I were sitting in our favorite pastry shop the other evening, sans children, we were listening to two sisters "heatedly discuss" something with their mother.  Bear in mind that the sisters were at least in their very late teens / early 20s.  So they were discussing to whom piles of boxes and things in their basement belonged to, and there were apparently some boxes with books in one sister's pile that the other sister debated as belonging to her.  Sister one said that since her father put them in "her" pile, they must belong to her, but sister two disagreed, stating that her name was in some of the books.  It was all rather comical and amusing, and the fighting in Jell-O is what came to mind.  We ran into the group several times over the course of the evening, and I couldn't get the Jell-O wrestling image out of my brain!

My OB gave me a prescription for Reglan; it's an antacid with a side effect of boosting prolactin levels.  However, for it to work as needed, one must pump their boobages 6-8 times a day.

Folks, I only have one hand pump.  And two children.  Small children.  I purchased an electric pump on eBay a few years ago, but the motor is rather weak.  I'm trying to find out if insurance would cover the renting of a hospital grade pump.  Geez.  I just need to move to a damned dairy farm.

That's it for now, I'm going to eat my vanilla flax-seed oatmeal and try to convince people to buy sex toys.  I'm running a 20% off sale, for those interested!

My side dish for the Thanksgiving feast will be ... JELLO SALAD!

And not just ANY Jello salad.  It's a favorite of mine from years gone by.

1. Cranberry Jello
2. Whipped Cream
3. Cottage Cheese
4. Fruit (cherries would be good!)

Make the Jello.  Let it set up.  Put into large bowl / container / something.  Stir.  Add whipped cream, cottage cheese, and fruit.  Stir some more.  Eat the HOLY CRAP out of it.

Thanks for the ideas, one of them jogged my rememberie, but I can't remember which one did it

Next Tuesday, the preschool is having a Thanksgiving feast, and, to make it a feast, all parents are asked to sign up to bring a dish.  Our class is in charge of salads / breads / sides.  I have to come up with something tasty to eat that will go great with turkey, and does not contain nuts.  I don't know how big my dish has to be, but probably not huge; the problem is that I'm used to cooking in large quantities (for freezing later or for entertaining friends).  It's always just as easy to cook a tiny amount of something as it is to make it a large amount, unless, of course, you're making hot wings, and then you'll be frying chicken ALL DAMNED DAY.

I'm completely drawing a blank.  I'm considering making cheesy corn bread, but I'm afraid I'll eat it all.  All that cheesy corny goodness, it's enough to make me pee myself just thinking about it!  I make this great cranberry chai Chex mix for the holidays, and that might translate well into a quick bread, but I'm afraid to try something that completely new for little kids.  However, that might be fun to attempt for Thanksgiving!

Baby is crying.  Must.  Rescue.  Whining.  BAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAABY!

EDIT:  Also, I need a new mandoline slicer.  My thin-slicing blade is perpetually stuck in the holder, which isn't too bad considering it's the blade I use the most, but I needed the dicing blade last night.  I had to make do, but after slicing my onion, which was harder to slice than usual, I noticed "mandoline poo" all in my sliced onions.  Little black bits of plastic that had come off, all into my paper-thinly slices of cry-my-eyes-out onions.  I had to hand-pick the bits out!  And THEN, my hand chopper just wasn't cutting it (pun intended - I sliced a whole onion, but the chopper would only chop small amounts at a time, it would've taken me DAYS to chop the whole thing!) so I ran it through the food processor.  Good thing I didn't mind onion puree, which actually disguised the onions in a pleasant way so as not to scare the ever onion-phobic Brandon.

The chili was good, by the way.  And, any recomendations for a new slicer?  Mine suxxors.

writing about how wonderful our night out without kidlets was.  Or maybe how the baby is doing.  I could at LEAST inform you that I've signed someone up in my downline for Avon, finally.  I could even tell you about the chili that is currently simmering in my slow cooker.  But no.  I won't. 

(The above is BrandonCat, I'm pretty sure of it.)