May 9, 2010
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As always, my thoughts and opinions may be offensive. I won’t apologize, though, because they’re *mine*. It’s mother’s day, again; Craig didn’t get home from work until 6 am this morning, and then left again by 1:15 pm. The weather is cool, the kids are currently asleep, and all is quiet except for that damned cardinal out back with his incessant “peep peep peep! peep! pe-peep peep peep peep peep peep peep!”. I don’t know why he’s carrying on, there’s nobody out back right now. What a glorious mother’s day, right?
Except that I often miss the days before motherhood. That’s not to say I want to give it all up and go back – I love my children and wouldn’t trade them for anything, but sometimes, this job is just too hard for me. I miss being able to sleep until I felt like waking up, or playing video games all day with Craig. I miss staying out all night, going to the movies, having a beer with friends, or just having a social life that doesn’t include the little ones. The days where getting out of the house wasn’t a 45 minute ordeal, when making dinner meant that everyone would be happy with what came out of the kitchen. When going to the store took less than three hours, and I only had to stop for a bathroom break if *I* really needed it. I miss spontaneity. It’s hard to do when your husband works shit hours, and when you’ve got one beautiful princess who turns into a raging Battle Toad if she misses her nap! And when your sweet, intelligent grade-schooler’s super-powers are nagging, whining, and complaining until everyone around him turns into homicidal maniacs. No, sir, I do not enjoy taking them to the store with me, and anything spontaneous requires copious planning, preparation, and sometimes a shot of vodka.
This is not a job I want to give up, but it’s not a job I can quit. I can’t just say “nope, I’m off the clock, time’s up, you’re not paying me for this”, no. Required breaks? In my emotional well-being, maybe, but that’s it. This is by far the most challenging job I’ve ever taken on – I’ve worked with 20 grade-schoolers at once on a daily basis, with at least five being “high maintenance” – this job is far more difficult. The pay sucks, too. Sure, everyone says being a parent is a reward in itself, and it pays off when they’re adults. That doesn’t make the job any easier. I also know there are so many people in the world who would love to be in my shoes! Firstly, you can’t have them. Secondly, I have a little understanding of that, and really. REALLY. It’s still a hard job and more than once I have wanted to throw in the towel. What parent hasn’t? If you say “not me! NEVER me!”, are you really, truly being honest with yourself?
I don’t hate Mother’s day, and I don’t hate being a parent. I love my children more than anyone could ever imagine, and if someone tries to harm them, you’d better believe I will turn into a howling banshee and rain fire down the gaping maw of your throat after I’ve decapitated you with my bare hands. Yes, I would do that for my children. But there are also days that the threat of selling them to the gypsies sounds better than the alternatives.
Comments (2)
aaaaaaaa-men
That’s pretty much how it goes. I think the boys are in an easier stage right now, not easy just easier. I had to work on Mother’s Day. It was really like any other day except we did go get some dinner instead of me cooking. I wouldn’t trade the little monsters either but some days it would be nice to loan them to the circus for a few days